Confession of a Fraidy Cat

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I called myself a “fraidy cat” for a good reason. See, 2014 was not the first time I tried to get into shape. In 2012 I started going to the Pavilion that is attached to the high school… there were about five machines, seven ellipticals, and two bikes. It always seemed that when we went in the bikes were taken, I had NO idea what to do with the machine, so the elliptical it was.

(I will go into the whole ordeal with my thoughts on the machines at some point in the future, but that is definitely a blog for another day.)

Here is where the confession comes in. I would get soooo nervous just standing by the elliptical that my heart would start racing, my palms would start sweating, and I would feel like I was going to die. JUST BECAUSE I WAS STANDING BY IT! Since I basically was mid heart attack, doing anything on the stupid machine was almost impossible, so three minutes in I would have to stop. I couldn’t breath and my heart was trying to pop out of my chest. Needless to say, I decided I really did not need to exercise. So back to the couch and my fat life I went.

Once I got serious about it (as I talked about in the last blog), I knew I had to start small. So it was all about the bike. I could do three miles in about 20 mins with no resistance added. Then I could do four miles in about 25 mins, then I got it down to five minute miles, but still tiring out after about four miles. I knew the key was to try pushing a little harder each time, so I started adding resistance. Eventually I was doing seven – ten miles on the bike setting my resistance at two, while rereading Fifty Shades of Gray on my Nook. (Did I mention this blog is a zero judgment zone, well it is!)

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When I got to that point, I knew I needed to up my game.

I am not sure I mentioned, at my current gym, the bikes are right next to the ellipticals so I was constantly aware of their existence, but would do everything in my power to avoid them.

Anyway, upping the ante meant it was time for the treadmill. Now, I had used one before, and had anxieties with them, but nearly like I did with the elliptical. So I got on. No elevation, just a walking speed, and one mile at a time. The first time I did it, I walked for about 13 mins and managed to get about a half mile, AND I WAS DYING!

I allowed myself the to stop as it was truly a good next step. Once I got home I started to beat myself up about it. “Can’t believe I didn’t even go a full stupid mile! How are you ever going to do three miles on a course if you can’t do one on a stupid treadmill!?” I was so mean I hurt my own feelings… but I pushed on.

Time went by and I was upping my elevation to an incline of 3.5, and getting a mile done in about 21 mins. As I was doing this fairly regularly, I would walk by the ellipticals and eyeball them fiercely, but still not giving in to the urge to try again.

And then I did. I got on it. Was I scared? Well, heck yeah I was! My insides burned, my brain tried to stop the internal riot that was my body protesting, and I was scared to death. But my earbuds rocking out to Walk the Moon, and my feet were trying to keep time, I did my first mile in a little over 14 mins. I did it!

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That damn machine (pardon my French) did not take me down!

Now, in all fairness, I do not do the elliptical every time, I really have to be in the right frame of mind to get on it, but I do still walk by it, smile and know that I can do it. Maybe just for a mile, or 15 mins, but I can do it.

Who knows, maybe 2016 will bring me up to two miles on that stupid thing and one step closer to #becomingabetterme ….

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