My house has been a cesspool of disease this past week and in that I learned a lot about how people see me. I know that sounds like an odd way to start a blog, but its true.
I said I wanted to start a writing about becoming a better me and that is more than just my fitness and weight loss… it is also about me growing as a person and generally trying to become better. I learned over the last few days that several of my friends (or even acquaintances) see me in a way I have never seen myself, so here is story of that.
Tuesday night, at about 10pm my daughter, Katie, started vomiting. Not just a little, but like her guts up. This went on through the night and into Wednesday. Several blankets changes and hours later she finally had nothing left to purge, but she was still not doing well.
About 3pm Wednesday afternoon she asked me to text her coach to let him know she was not going to be at practice that day. With it being the day before Mid-State, she was concerned she would not be allowed to swim as she was missing at least two pre-meet practices. Of course Coach was concerned primarily about her health, but for the sake of the team wanted me to keep him in the loop about her return so he could fill in her relays as needed. When I informed her about his response she looked at me all ragged and pale and said, “OOOHH MOM! I WILL BE AT MID STATE!” I won’t lie, her response made me roll my eyes at her. Here I am looking at this pitiful soul who hasn’t eaten all day, and was a asleep on the bathroom floor for a good part of the night, trying to tell me she was going to swim in less than 24 hours. The kid was crazy!
Shortly after that conversation I looked over and she was mouth open, hanging off the couch, passed out and dead to the world. I was sad for her, she was not going to be swimming at Mid-State.
Thursday morning Kat came bounding into my room, “Mom! I am better! So I am swimming tonight!” I hoped she was right. I really wanted to see her make it, but I was saying prayers and doing the appropriate dances to the appropriate Gods to make this happen.
Thursday evening Angel went with me to the meet. We talked about the sickness that took over this child and how I believed she was crazy to even want to be there, let alone able to have the physical strength to be able to swim. Angel looked at me and said, “she is your kid.” I really didn’t think much of it, and the night went on. Kat swam the 200 Medley Relay, the 50 Free, and the 100 Free. At the end of the 200 Med, there was color drained from her face, after the 50 free, all color was drained completely. There was nothing in the tank for the 100 – and she didn’t do as well as she wanted. Mind you, she wanted to get to finals, that was her goal. She cried at her so called failure. Instead of getting in the top 8, she got 10th and 11th… she was sick, trying to die, and still just a hair outside of the finals circle. She refused to listen to me when I told her I was proud of her. And I was. She left everything she had in that pool. Her dedication definitely showed.
So to come back to my point… how people see me… as I told this story to several people I heard things like “I wonder where she gets this?!”or “Like mother like daughter!” or even “She comes by it honestly”… I had no idea. Honestly, no clue. As I am writing this, I told my daughter what I was writing, and even she told me that she knew that’s where she got her determination and stubbornness. How is it that so many people can see such things that you never knew were there? I live my life everyday, but its those on the outside who actually know me. What else am I missing? Do you see this determination as good thing? Is stubbornness a positive?? In this quest to #becomeabetterme, I suppose my first step should be to learn more about who I am before I try to change anything else….
That being said, I think my next entry will be a combination of words and phrases that are used to describe me. For this I will need your help, dear friends. Please, please, please take a couple of minutes to post in the comments things you have noticed about me that I may have overlooked.