MoMo’s With Me

14622_10205800284346905_5862278412401138611_nMy grandmother (whom I have called MoMo since my daughter gave her that name at 18 months old) once said, “Enjoy your life, Heather, you only have one.” It has been over 11 years since she passed and not a day goes by that I don’t think about her and that statement. MoMo was my best friend. I told her everything and went everywhere with her. I once looked at the map of the United States and realized that out of the 48 continental states, I have been to 39 of them with my MoMo and Pa (what I have called, and still call my grandpa for that matter). More than anything in the world I have wanted to make her happy. I wanted her to be proud of me and I know that if she could see me now she would be.

11054363_10205800283946895_8247655290669675669_nAfter my kids were born, I spent a lot of time complaining to MoMo about my weight. The fact that that I was big before I got pregnant with Kat and then when she was six months old I found out I had a Bug (Jarrett’s nickname, by the way) on the way, left me even bigger than I had ever been before. So Mo and I would plan outings where we would just go window shopping, to be able to walk at the mall, but would end up grabbing a Cinnabon or an Orange Julius and counter the work we had already put in. In the summer we would go to the park sometimes and walk the track, but would end that trip in the Dairy Queen line… seeing the pattern here? For as wonderful as she was to and for me, she was also a bad influence. When it came to my love of anything sweet, she was an enabler…

I sound like I am complaining about her, but I promise I would never talk bad about Mo. EVER.

11037630_10205800280746815_622270867035909708_n

Anyway, on the 29th of December, 2004, she and I had out last heart to heart. I told her than I really didn’t have much to say because I had always told her everything. It was then that she told me “the only regret I have, is that I will have missed seeing you truly happy and at peace. Enjoy your life you, Heather, you only have one of them.” She passed away on January 1st 2005. I still tear up when I think about our conversation.

11202821_10207538445119838_1132047583807864529_n(1)Why I am telling you this? Because for the first time in my life, I am at peace…. I am happy… and I hope that she can see that. It is so sad to me that I can’t show her my medals and race bibs, I can’t twirl and show her that my “skinny” jeans now do not have to be unbuttoned to be removed, or that this paleo/whole30 diet has been beautifully captured on Instagram and Facebook, because she loved food porn (shhhh, don’t tell Pa!)…

Either way,  I think about her all of the time, and part of what I am doing is because of, and for her. She might not be here to run the races with me, or go to the gym, or even buy me ice cream on my cheat days, but I carry her with me, and hope that #becomingabetterme is what she would have wanted for me all those years ago.

 

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