I have written about failing and accepting that, even learning from it, but this different. When you fail it is a singular event. Failing a test, failing to complete the housework you wanted to do, even failing to properly communicate how you wanted something done. That is fine, we are human, these things happen. What I am talking about is accepting defeat. Believing that when I do succeed it was fluke, or that what I did wasn’t really that good.
Every time I talk about something that I have accomplished there is always the BUT on the end. “I did the race in 62 mins, BUT I should have gone faster.” “I have lost 37 pounds, BUT it has taken me over a year.” “Mr Trainer told me I did good today BUT I really didn’t get the weight in that I wanted.”
What is wrong with me? In every one of the above statements I succeeded! Why is it so hard to accept that I have done something good?
I have also said on numerous occasions this journey has been about #becomingabetterme all the way around. I think this is something that I should make sure I work on next. A little bragging on myself could not hurt.
I am going to start with today’s work out. I hate battle ropes. I always worry about my arms not being able to handle them, that it will hurt me, or that I wont be able to do it and I will disappoint Mr Trainer. Not today! Today we did circuit training and in the first round I had to do 40 flips and I had NO trouble. It was refreshing!!! Apparently Mr Trainer was so impressed he added another 10. My second round he had me do 50, and I did it! Normally when I even look at the ropes I get increased heart rate and palm sweat, but today, I didn’t. I can sit here and tell you how big of a deal that is, but it could not do justice to how impressive it really is. Add to this, after I finished my 3 rounds of 3 circuits, Mr Trainer tells me to get on the recumbent bike… for those of you who have no idea what that is, it is a weird contraption that I normally call “the crazy bike hand mover thing”. This thing tells you how many laps you have done and how far you have gone, with the use of your legs and your arms, like a treadmill. He had me doing 5 mins after my 30 min work out, and I ended up doing 7 mins just to finish my third lap. I was tired, but I felt good!
Anyway, the moral of the story is there is no BUT in my day. I am going to accept my success and not think about defeat. Today, I was not defeated.