I have been mulling over how I was or if I was going to write about this on my blog for a couple of weeks now… then I remembered my promise to my readers and myself, all of my journey – good, bad, and ugly, right? Well, this has been all of those things.
When things started to get sketchy back in February, I started my phase one: pre-panic mode. Trying to decide how this was going to effect my family, my friend, my job, the city… I am sure I even got concerned about Santa’s well-being, because I am that much of a worrier. Then as days rolled on and we were into March, I was walking around wondering all of that even deeper… what exactly is this virus? Sure Human Corona virus is as old as the common cold, it even has a lot of the same symptoms – effecting the upper respiratory tract, but this new one, a novel one… that was one I wanted to know about. Since I had zero real information I went into heather’s reaction phase two: pre freak out phase. This phase usually involves planning for future cleaning… We expected that if we were going to be in lock down – which at this point parts of China, Italy, and France were – the kids would come here to make sure they had the food they needed. So planning included decided how or if furniture needed moved or rearranged, and what accommodations would be required for specific people – and when it came down to it, my biggest concern was my grandbaby.
Phase three came: “Shelter in Place” ok… not a horrible thing to call it, especially since I was using words like “lockdown”, “quarantine”, “isolation” and I think I even called it “house arrest” a couple of times. Anywho, as shelter in place began, I was ok. I am good when I have tasks that I am responsible for, so I did my duty. I cooked, I cleaned, I arranged furniture, I did laundry, and I even helped with the baby. I was in Go-Mode. For the first 10 days’ish I was ok…ish.
Then as my granddaughter had a doctors appt she could not miss, my daughter and her fiancé went home. The house was empty…. still well over 3 week of (I think at this point I called it Hell, I believe that was the name I then gave it) shelter in place I had no task, no purpose, nothing to do – and that is when the emotions flooded in. I became a mess. I cried like every day, I had horrible dreams at night, and I am pretty sure I didn’t really make contact with anyone for about 3 days.
As most of my posts have them, here is where the positive change comes in…
I don’t really know what day it was, but I woke up and decided I was done feeling like poop so I stopped. I asked the hubs to move the Xbox Kinect up to the family room so I could use my Zumba and Just Dance to get myself moving again. He did and I did. Zumba 4 days in a row and then weights the 5th day. I also (with the help of Grandpa and my daughter – at safe distances) we cleared out the dead bushes in my yard and cleaned out the flower beds. Took a couple of walks down the street in the evening when it was warm enough and hold on to your tops folks – I JOGGED. Yup, you read that right. I jogged! It wasn’t far and it wasn’t fast, but I jogged.
Something else that has really helped me stay on the positive side is cooking. I have always loved to cook, but having the time to create new dishes, tweak old ones, and even just making a favorite has helped me keep going.
So, I guess you can say I went into phase three: the positive phase. I remembered that I can only handle what I can handle, can only fix what I can fix, and can only be what I want to be… and that is a happy person. It has not been easy, folks, it never is… but I really do try to find as many silver linings as I can.
As for the “shelter in place” order (which I am now calling “all day jammies” order), it is up May 1st. That does not mean the virus is just gone that day, or expired or whatever, but it seems that maybe things are looking better? I will still be cautious, I will still probably stay home a little longer, but at least I can do that now feeling that I am the best me when I wake up every morning. I try to take a lesson from everything that happens and in this journey of #becomingabetterme, lessons are everywhere – and in this case it was in the middle of a pandemic and it reminded me that life goes on and you have to slow down and take a mental picture of the happy things that you do have.
Story of a Better Me #becomingabetterme 