So I Got Behind – March and April.

Well Hello Again. This has been a crazy few months for me!

March:

At the beginning of March Jenn and I went to Madison Indiana for a day trip. We planned to got to the Lanither Mansion and get pizza, but that plan was kicked in the butt by covid hours of the mansion. We still took a walk around the grounds and went to their winery (oh shucks we had to go have wine). We also took a side trip over to Clifty Falls and walked their trail that goes to one of their most well know waterfalls. We also walked up and down main street looking at the boutiques and just having a great day. (This checked off 1 new place/park to hike, Only 5 more to go)

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Also in March Angel and I took a new trail (new to us) in Plainfield. It was kinda chilly that day so it was only about a mile and half, but it counts. That makes 2 of my 6 for the year!

March also held a new recipe. The hubs and I tried a Scillian meat roll. Which is really like a mozzarella and prosciutto meatloaf. I would have loved to show the picture, but although it tasted good, it did not photograph well.

I also met my book of the month goal… I read The Girl He Used to Know – it was about a girl who runs into a boy she dated in college, and after being called weird most of her life she finds out she was on the autism spectrum and he helps her navigate her new found diagnosis. It was a good and quick read.

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Last big point for March was 3 closings! I was so happy to find 3 families their very own homes! Believe it or not, doing that made getting all of those other things in even harder!

April:

April was horrible… I got sick on April 4th, was tested for covid on April 6th, and got my positive results on April 8th. From there it was 3+ weeks of sleeping, fevering, not smelling, or tasting, and generally feeling like death.

Although there was no hiking, cooking, exploring new places, or even leaving my bedroom, I did manage to get my book read (albeit it took through the first month of May to get completed, but I stayed on task).

OOH!! and I almost forgot, I had a closing at the end of April too! It was a joy to get another happy family their new home on the heels of being sicker than a dog!

As it is the last week of May and I have plans for later this week and the weekend, I will be ready to give you a happy update on May as soon as the month is over!

I have enjoyed this holding myself accountable to these small 2021 goal. I know they are not anything special, but while trying #becomingabetterme its good to know I can still keep going even when life is not 9-5 anymore!

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#HeJeNY Bucket List – check!

This blog has been more to me than just somewhere to put my thoughts. It has been a way for me to show myself that being on this journey of #becomingabetterme has been about growing, changing, and showing myself what I was capable of.

The Heather that writes about fears and talks about the great things that she has accomplished is not the Heather you would have met 15 years ago. This Heather is bolder, more fun, and ready to take on the world…. all because she wanted to be better.

All of that being said, I had the opportunity of a lifetime to go to New York City with a best friend of mine, and I am not going to lie, had I not started the better me-ing, I would not have been able to bring myself to make the trip, let alone be able to keep up!

Jenn had been there before, so I was lucky to have my own personal tour guide, but no matter what she told me, I was not ready for what I was going to learn.

Here is the list:

1. You walk everywhere… I mean everywhere.
2. You walk everywhere…. I mean everywhere.
3. YOU WALK EVERYWHERE… I MEAN EVERYWHERE.
   

   

In the 5 days we were there we walked more than I thought possible. I am not going to lie, there were times where I had to wave the white flag and say “give an ol lady a minute” but I did it, and the walking and adventuring continued.

We went to 2 shows while we were there (one on Broadway – Moulin Rogue, and the other off Broadway – Jersey Boys.  **side note, color me really stupid, but it was not until I was there that I realized what that meant. Actually just told a friend about my light bulb moment and I was scared he was choke on his own spit laughing at me.)

Went to the top of the Empire State Building, went out on a tour boat to see the Statue of Liberty, visited the 9-11 Memorial (breathtaking I might add), hung out in Washington Park, tried to get a drink at Mc Sorrely’s Old Ale House (they were packed, so we saw the sawdust and moved on),  Central Park (several parts of that), The Met, Time Square, Prospect Park, The Brooklyn Bridge, Ellen Stardust, Tavern on the Green, Macy’s, rode in a real NYC cab (let me say, we told him where we wanted to go and he asked US how to get there – are you kidding me??? Isn’t that your job??) rode the subway, ate at some amazing vegan places, had NYC bagels with ridiculous cream cheese, stopped at a couple of places for adult beverages before calling it a night, and then hung out at the bar at the hotel and goofed off.

I know that you might think those are all “touristy things” and you might be right… but ya know what? I got to do exactly what I wanted with a great person by my side.

Here is where my truth comes in… like I said at the beginning of this post, the Heather you know now is not the same one you would have met 15 years ago, and this would have been nothing but a dream to her. It WAS a dream to her. Now, because I have decided to give life a try, and put my best self out there, I am able to try new things and go on new adventures. I know that I had my security blanket with Jenn there, but even if it had been both of our first times, I still would not have been scared to go. This Heather is about checking things off the bucket list, #becomingabetterme,  and enjoying life instead of hiding behind it!

I am fortunate enough to have friends who know this about me and constantly push me further and further outside my comfort zone. Who support my dreams, and enjoy watching them come true. Friends who, with each passing year, remind me of how far I have come, but still know I am not done trying.

Yes, I guess you could say this was just a girls trip – I would agree, but it is on trips like these where memories are made, friendships are strengthened and you truly learn to see yourself through other peoples eyes, and that is what life is about.  Thank you Jenn… now where are we going next? I am not done #becomingabetterme and I want you to continue on the journey with me, my friend!

 

Not Quite Four Percent

Well, I promised to give you the good, the bad, and the ugly of this journey – so there is some ugly, some bad, and some good in this particular tale. So, again, I follow through with my promise. You are welcome.

In the last post, I was down five lbs, right? Well, wouldn’t you know that three days before weigh in I got on the scales and of course, I gained 1.2lbs back. I know that in the grand scheme of things, that is small potatoes (like legit, it could have been, I made potatoes to go with the chicken for dinner), but when there is $20 on the line, it becomes a freakin Idaho sized potato!

Not that I wasn’t going to the gym as much as possible, but when your work schedule consists of night meetings and there is NO WAY IN HELL you are going to the gym before work (more specifically before coffee!), you have to make the tough decisions – and the decision was made to skip the gym when I wasn’t home before 9:30.

Anywho, back to the gym, staying strong on the diet, more water throughout the day – you know, all of the things you do to get the metabolism moving faster.

So weigh in day… wear thin clothes, take off shoes and jewelry, go pee before hand (we all know we do this!) and of course I was back to a flat 5lbs lost. dang it! So close, yet sooo far!

I know it wasn’t the goal I set, I know there were other people who made it, but you know what else I know – I know I tried. I know I got back on the wagon. Most of all, I remembered how much I missed being at the gym and how good it feels to know there is a change happening. I don’t have to lose 7.6lbs in a month to be successful – I just have to know I am doing the right things and treating myself right in the process.

So… 

Good – I lost 5 lbs and spent time in the gym again

Bad – I didn’t meet the goal set out for me.

Ugly – I lost freakin $20 in the processes… guess that is the price of a lesson learned?

Either way, this journey of #becomingabetterme is no where near over, and I consider this a #nonscalevictory – learning took place, and isn’t that what life is all about?

 

28 – 1 Week

Its one week until weigh in. Am I nervous… absolutely.  I have already stated that I do not really feel comfortable in competitions, especially when it comes to weight loss. I have had several issues when it comes to losing weight quickly. I have to really just put my head down and plow through it. Not worrying about time frames, or deadlines, or even the $20 I put in to see if I could do it… Anywho, I have tried to make these last three weeks count. I do not know if I will make it, but what I can tell you about this last 21 days is this:

I have not had any desserts (really freakin hard)

I have limited my bread intake

I have gone to the gym 2-3 times a week

I have taken the stairs 4 of the 5 days each week (exceptions are when I am with others or carrying more than one bag… too stinkin heavy)

I have had ZERO ice cream

I have been trying to do better about getting my full 7-8 hours of sleep

I have been drinking a lot of water, but I have actually tried to drink more around bedtime (which is supposed to help with digestions)

Although a short list, it is still a list of things I have done to give a try to this 4% weight loss. Even if it isn’t enough I have still lost 5lbs in this last few weeks… With only 2.6 lbs to go, I am going to give it a serious college try to get that $20 back!

On a side note… I have been on this journey for about three and a half four years now and to see how things have been going, I did a side by side of start to present…

#becomingabetterme #stillonthisjourney #Iamnotdoneyet

 

When I Grow Up…

You can always tell how I feel in the AM based on my level of make up, whether my hair is done just right, or even the shoes that I wear. Today was one of those days… very little make up, jeans and tennies, and my hair was (at best) brushed. Just was not into Tuesday – and no amount of coffee was going to change that.
Then it happened. My lunch with Jenn.
We opted for the Garden Table since they have vegan meals there. I was super happy about that because the atmosphere there is always open and easy.
As we started talking about the current events in our lives, our conversation took a serious turn. I would almost call it the “What I want to be when I grow up” conversation. We discussed the whys and what fors of our lives and where and how we wanted to get there…. She shared with me the arguments she has with herself and I told her about mine. With ZERO sarcasm, I can say it really was a wonderful time.

Now that I am back at work (shhh… don’t tell that I typing this and not working, but I HAD to get this pen to paper so to speak), I have had a chance to breath it all in.
This journey of #becomingabetterme has basically been my WHY. When I started the healthy living, exercise, and self-discovery path, I knew I wanted to share with others the good, the bad, and the ugly of what it takes to be a better Heather, but I wanted to show the world that if I could do it, anyone could. How is that a WHY, you might ask – well to me its simple… I want to be a positive light in someone else’s life. I want to show the world that it is possible to achieve your goals – even if it takes a life time, and I want to show the world that this ol’ dog learned some tricks, and will continue to do so!
It is not every day that you get to have a heart to heart with a dear friend, and even more that you don’t get to have a conversation that makes you think seriously about who you are to the core.

I know that I am not perfect, I know that I never will be – but I am happy with myself. I still have a ways go, but I am #becomingabetterme and I am learning a little more each day about the Heather I want to be.
Thank you Jenn for reminding me to look at the reasons in life, and I look forward to seeing your perspective, as we continue on this journey of life and #becomingabetterme(s).

Venturing Out: A Walk in the City

As I sit here and type this I cant help but to chuckle at myself. A walk. A simple little walk and I have my arm flexed over my shoulder happily patting myself on the back. Half in seriousness, half in jest.

Today I got to a spot in my day where I could take a break so I messaged a friend and asked if they would like to grab lunch. I knew getting fresh air would probably do us both good, so I thought it was worth a try. Surprisingly the answer was YES and we agreed on the Living Room Lounge. Nothing special, but they have decent food and decent seating and the distance was not too bad either.

As I started walking to the door I found myself having a bit of an internal struggle: do I walk the quarter mile to my car and then drive the half mile to lunch, or do I risk going on foot and possibly being late? Lots of questions went through my head…

what if I get tired on the way there? (BRAIN-drive)

what if there is no parking? (BRAIN-walk)

what if I get a blister from these shoes? (BRAIN-drive)

what if it turns out to be a waste of gas? (BRAIN-walk)

I started to look like the duck that you shoot at the county fairs, and I was getting dizzy walking back and forth in front of the door!

I made the executive decision to just hoof it! Yup, I was going to walk the half mile there and hope I wasn’t late! SIDE NOTE: I have been going to the gym for what, two plus years now, and I know that my directions telling me it was a 12 min walk was incorrect! If I can whoop out a mile in less than 20, I can sure get a half in less than 12!

Anywho, I did it. I met my friend for lunch (even beat them there), and had a great time. (Thank you again, Friend… if you are reading this)

The walk back was just about the same…an easygoing, beautiful day in Indy, and I loved it.

So now I am sure you are thinking, “OK Heather, where is the great moral or even small point to this interesting story?” The point is simple… especially if you have met me… I stepped even further out of my comfort zone! I walked almost a mile to and from lunch during the week! For me that was another obstacle in my life. Venturing out when I was on a schedule and couldn’t just flop down after it was over! Going it alone! Doing something that felt a little scary, but still so very right.

I know it is small potatoes to a lot of people… maybe even you… but when I was standing at the cross walk looking at my building, I felt something I haven’t really felt in awhile – I felt proud of me.  It has been a minute since I did something that I can truly say is part of the journey of #becomingabetterme, but this was definitely a good something.

LOG BLOG — Every Mile Counts: January

This is the first of 12 blogs that will be tracking the miles I put in. I decided to track both “regular” walking miles and then what miles I do that gym, whether it be on the treadmill, elliptical, or bike and I will make sure I specify. Since the regular miles are just what happens when I am dealing with the day to day, I am going to call them LIFE MILES. I will make it a point to take off my Garmin to show the difference between the two counts.

**I will also post every day by adding to this post, not creating a new one. I might mix it up and add pictures… one never knows what a Heather might do during this journey!

OK, so now that the guidelines are out there, January… I am coming for you!

 

January 2:

Life miles – 1.31/Treadmill – 1.5

total 2.81

January 3:

total 4.52

January 4:

all life miles today 2.14

total 6.66

January 5:

Although I forgot my Garmin, it would not have mattered. I drove to Kokomo with a coworker, sat in an interview, then drove all over Kokomo while she got in and out of the car dropping off flyers. I was a chauffeur, at best! Then after being in the car for 8 hours, I sat in a 2.5 hour swim meet. No life miles, no gym miles to log!

January 6:

all life miles 1.07

total 7.73

January 7:

all life miles, but errand running adds up! 2.12

total 9.85

January 8:

all life miles 1.47

total 11.32

January 9:

all life miles 1.78

total 13.1 (look! it only took me 9 days to run a half!)

January 10:

more life miles 1.43

total 14.53

January 11:

still life miles 2.09

total 16.62

January 12:

all life – still working far too much – 1.39

total 18.01

January 13:

life miles miles – 1.78

treadmill miles – 2.00

total 21.79

January 14:

since I will be working the remainder of the day, I am calling today all treadmill miles – 1.50

total 23.29

January 15:

I won’t lie, I vegged –  0.93 miles

total 24.22

January 16:

life miles 1.36

total 25.58

January 17:

life miles 1.49

bike miles .49

treadmill miles 2.63

total 30.19

January 18:

life miles 2.12

total 32.31

January 19:

life miles 2.23

total 36.77

January 20:

life miles 2.42.

total 39.19

January 21:

life miles 1.89

total 41.08

January 22:

life miles (or in today’s case work miles.) 2.31

total 43.39

January 23:

life miles 2.03

total 45.42

January 24:

life miles 1.76

total 47.18

January 25:

life miles 1.39

total 48.57

January 26:

life miles 2.89

total 51.46

January 27:

life miles .98

total 52.44

January 28:

life miles 1.87

total 54.31

January 29:

life miles 1.92

total 56.23

January 30:

life miles 2.12

total 58.35

January 31:

life miles 1.65

total 60

 

MONTHLY TOTAL IS OVER 50 MILES!!!!

I had a rough month with Kat’s swimming, work being crazy, and then the cold weather… but since we now know I can do it, gonna push it further next month!!!

 

Mr T… ‘Nuff Said

When I first started going to the gym I watched, with judging eyes, at these people standing there barking orders at red faced, sweaty, trainees.  As I stared at them, I thought to myself, “I am never going to be one of those people. I do not want someone standing over me telling me what to do!”

Then I started to see a difference in myself. Not a lot, but enough of difference that I changed my views on how I wanted to move forward.

I was gonna need me one of them trainers and I was going to have to plan it out perfectly.

I started to do a self evaluation… and let me tell you, that was rough.

1. I hated to work too hard
2. I hated to push myself
3. I hated to sweat
4. I hated the idea of someone telling me what to do
5. I hated the idea of failing
6. I hated the idea of having a push over for a trainer

A lot of issues to overcome for someone who was going to be my trainer. A. LOT.

So, as I worked out,  I listened to each of the trainers as they talked to their trainee, how they motivated them, even their body language when a trainee started to shut down. All of that mattered as I made my list of pros and cons of each trainer in the gym.

After the list of things about me, I made a list of what the trainer had to be and couldn’t be, all in the same list:

1. could not be a push over – for sure
2. could not get distracted (because I would get them to talk and forget that I wasn’t doing any working out)
3. had to be able to push me, but know when it really was too much for me
4. had to know when it WASN’T too much for me
5. could not show disappointment, even when it was there

A lot of things a trainer had to do, and since I was being honest with myself #5 was the highest on my list. I knew – even before I started – that I would spend enough time being disappointed in myself, that I didn’t need to see it from a trainer.

I used this criteria to watch even closer at the trainers, and there were a few I had to rule out immediately. Some because they seemed like pushovers, one that seemed to do a lot of talking and no paying attention to the trainee doing really bad sit ups, and even one who wore every emotion he had right there on his face.

I just kept going back to Mr T… He had a business face. Like poker could have been a side business. He kept a level head when talking to his trainees. Never heard him change the tone in his voice. Even watched him work out with a trainee now and then. Yup, he was the one I needed. He wasn’t going to take my shit and I knew he was going to make me work for it.

It has been longer than I would like since I got bossed around by him… or got that sly smile when he smarted off to me knowing I wouldn’t say anything in return for fear of being made to do EXTRA work… but when I am at the gym, he is in my head. He reminds me what I am there for and how hard I really have worked.

Seeing him at the gym tonight was boost. I needed that! Until I get back to being the bossed-around-trainee again, I will continue to do as he taught me. To work on getting stronger, and if I fall, just to get back up. Thank you, Mr T!

 

Summer of Fun

 

As I was looking at Facebook and going through some of my pictures I couldn’t help but smile. As a mother of active teenagers and then the wife of a game designer I am always busy. Running here… taking kids there… then adding in the normal stuff that every household has to deal with: groceries, dinner, cleaning, WORKING… but this summer, this summer was a little different. I took time to do things for me, and let me tell you, I loved it. Not only did I love it, but truly, I needed it.

When I started the journey of #becomingabetterme, I had to start out by figuring who and what I wanted to be. Sure, I wanted to weigh less, I wanted to be healthier, I wanted to be nicer, but honestly, I wanted to be happier.

That was where I had a problem. I have never really been in a place that allowed me enough time to stop and figure out what is that made me happy. Don’t get me wrong, being a mom and a wife makes me happy, but I needed to know what made HEATHER happy. What HEATHER wanted out of life. This summer has given me a glimpse of all of that.

This summer started off with my Journey concert at the track. Then Def Leppard/REO Speedwagon/Tesla at Klipsch. Then two concerts in one weekend Chris Young/Brad Paisley followed the next night by Gwen Stefani. Then last concert of my summer was Rob Thomas/Counting Crows all at Klipsch as well. I know it doesn’t sound like much, but music is a big part of my life and to get to see some of my faves belt out their songs live, well, that is epitome of happy in my book.

Let us not forget my birthday extravaganza… I realize my birthday was a singular day, but as a lover of my special day, I tend to drag it out for at least the month.

Now only was the summer music packed but (as always) we added Gen Con to the mix. (Did I mention I am a huge nerd?) Four days of nothing but gaming… the “four best day of gaming” to be exact. Never a dull moment there. Not only did I spend a lot of brain power winning over half of the games I played, but I got to enjoy the cosplayers in their personalized versions of pop culture, comic, or game character costumes.

To round out the summer, there was a Housing Conference in Detroit I got the privilege of attending. For those who do not know, my job is all rules and regulations and compliance and structure… and I love it. My part of the conference was learning more rules and how to figure  cash flow and net operating income (blah blah blah, right… wrong. I LOVE IT!). Yes, it was mind melting, but I love learning how to do my job better.

Needless to say, in a matter of three short months I squeezed in a lot of play time. Which by extension was time practicing being a better me.

Before I sat down to write this, when I was looking at my pictures I started to get a little down on myself. I ran no real races (yes I have done a couple of virtual 5ks, but no real ones), I haven’t been with Mr T (my trainer) since the beginning of May, and there really hasn’t been a week where I have gone to the gym more than two times, where I was going three to four times each week… but then I looked at what I had done.

I spent time with friends, I walked miles upon miles without flinching, I made my brain stronger, and even taught the noob gamers a thing or two ; ) I enjoyed myself and still did what I needed to do to figure out that I am more than a mom or a wife… I am a person and the happier I am, the more productive I can be!

Once I got past all of that, I also realized that I did put in some serious gym time, and even managed to keep my weight right where I left off in May!

I can honestly say, with the kids back in school and the summer winding down I am looking forward to seeing what comes next!

 

 

 

I Can’t Unsee That

A good friend and I were having a nice conversation today. We talk daily, so we are always sharing things we have seen. Somewhere in our conversation he pops off with a “Hey, did you see the article about the Playboy Playmate body shaming a woman at the gym?”  I had not seen or heard about it, so he sent me the link. Before I read it, I was a little annoyed, thinking that someone was getting shamed AT THE GYM, stupid – but then, I read the article. I WAS LIVID!

(To start I will say it was posted on TMZ, so feel free to give it a read for yourself)

The long and short of the story is this Playmate, Dani Mathers, is at the gym, in the “locker room” and took a picture of a naked gym goer taking a shower and body shaming her on social media. Her Mean Girl antics have got her into some seriously hot water (and I personally vote for jail time), but the kicker is her public apology that basically said, “I am not sorry I am a b*tch and meant what I said, I am sorry I got caught saying it out loud!”

After talking telling my friend I read the article, and finished practicing my swear words, we changed the tone of the chatter. We talked about the big what if…

What if that were me??  I have been going to the gym for about two(ish) years now, and am past the initial ‘everyone is watching me’ feeling that I had at the beginning of my visits… but what if I wasn’t… what if someone actually shamed me in my first visit… WHERE WOULD I BE??

The answer to that is sadly simple, I would be exactly where I was two plus years ago, unhappy, overweight, and unhealthy. Those thoughts alone make me tear up. More than that, I would not be where I am. I know that sounds like a “duh” statement, but there is so much involved in that. I would not have met my new friends (and family) on my Cornfed team. I would not have had enough self confidence to go on adventures without a responsible adult to be my security blanket. I would never had the belief in myself to finish – not one, but tw0 – Spartan races. I would not have been able to better myself enough to become a trusted and respected coworker to my team. Above and beyond all of these things, I would not have found myself. Yes, I found me. I am now the person I knew I could be… or at least am pointed in the direction of becoming that better person I am striving to be.

It scares me to think I would lose my sanctuary. I use the gym as my outlet for daily stress, I go and walk my negative thoughts away, I lift away the ugliness that I see going on in the world, and come out stronger and lighter. I need that.

What Dani Mathers did to that poor woman is the lowest of low, and I only hope that it does not turn her off from #becomingabetterher … and take away whatever it is that the gym does for her. I hope that she has the inner strength to give Dani the middle finger and go right back to doing her thang, and doing it her way!

When I thought about writing this post I was so mad, I was worried that I would just use this as a rant, and I finish up (I am still mad, don’t think for a second I am not) it shows me how lucky I am to go to a gym where everyone is friendly. Thank you for being awesome, AnyTime.

Keep it classy, Dani Mathers… hope orange is your new black!