TO DO LIST – 2021, You Better Step Up

It is no secret that 2020 was, excuse my language, a SHIT SHOW, but I have decided to put the negativity behind me and move into the New Year with a plan and new sense of purpose. I am not going to say “new year, new me”, because that would be a lie – and honestly, I like this me, but I do want to be better. So I will say “NEW YEAR, BETTER ME”I have spent a lot of the last few weeks trying to come of up with a list of TO DOs that can be achieved regardless of the state of the world, so here goes:

Read 12 books (1 per month): I miss book club, so I will do this on my own then give a small book report as a check in.

Do 4 – 5ks, even if they are virtual: Color me crazy, but I loved the medals, it felt like I accomplished something and it kept me going.

Try 12 new recipes (1 per month): I have become a foodie over the last year and I want to continue broadening my horizons.

Walk/Hike in 6 new parks (new to me): I have a comfort zone when it comes to hikes because I know what to expect, I like reminding myself that nothing cool happens in the ones comfort zone.

and lastly

Blog at least 12 times (1 per month): When I started this blog it was kind of my weight loss journey/journal, however it was meant to be more about the my journey and when I stopped exercising, I stopped posting. That is not all that this is supposed to be about. #becomingabetterme was meant to be a well-rounded story of who I am and what I want and do with myself so I can look at me in the mirror and know that each day I am giving it my all.

Sure there are a ton of things on my bucket list, like travel and shows and adventure, but I am going back to the basics. 2020 is in the rearview, and it can stay there. I am looking forward to what this year can bring and all of the successes during the journey of #becomingabetterme I can share with you.

How Do I Fix Me Better?

I have been on this journey for about 5 years now and I am still trying to answer that question. That along with a laundry list of others: What makes me happy? What makes me shine? What am I good at? What am I not good at?? Am I enough? Am I too much? Who am I?? I have really had some time to think about all of these questions lately and I am not sure I like some of my own answers, and if I want to take the next step in fixing me,  I have to face these demons and move forward.

When I started, my goal was to become a better me. Well, when I look at that in a broad sense, I guess saying please and thank you more or opening doors for strangers or even buying a coffee for the person in line behind me makes me “better”, right? Or in a more physical sense, losing 40 lbs would make me “better” – but that didn’t and still doesn’t feel like enough (especially when you consider I have gained back about 18 of that 40). Then I tried to work on the inside, which led to being employee of the quarter. That felt nice and I would consider that #becomingabetterme as well, wouldn’t you?  All of those changes left me feeling like I was still not advancing like I wanted.

Since the start of changing is realizing what NEEDS changed, it might be best to begin with the 4th question. What am I not good at? (what are my weaknesses)

The first weakness I am facing here now, and have been for as long as I can remember, is how I handle stress and chaos in my life. My first reaction is ALWAYS “what did I do wrong?” which I guess is better than looking outward for a person/situation to push the blame off on. The next thing I do is internalize and over think EVERY moment that led up to the situation and try to figure out what I could have done differently to avoid said issue… and then when I cant find one, I get more mad that it isn’t there, making myself feel even more like a failure. Take, for example, the major plumbing issues at the end of the year – into the first of this year… when it happened I went over and over in my head what I done wrong to cause these problem. I know how ridiculous that sounds, but it is the truth. I did… and that is just one example. I do this with everything, relationships, work situations, and family issues…

The next thing I do is grab on tight to what I can, as to avoid change.  I see this in my children at times and I so sorry I passed that trait on. When things are not going so well I hold on tight to the things I do have complete control over. My house (now that is back up and running)… is the simplest example. I can control where things are, so I reorganize, clear and clean everything, because I have control over that. By the way, it has never been so clean. (sorry, but I had to throw that in there, because it is true)  When I feel my world spinning out of control I all but bubble wrap what I can and hold it tight so it doesn’t spiral also.

I also have a habit of not letting go. I hold on, even to my own determent. I have seen, in the last few years, people around me who did not care about my well-being but rather what they have wanted from me and how much they could get. Sadly, I allowed this. I have always been scared to walk away from friends or family for fear of hurting them, regardless of what they are doing to me. I always feel like if I walk away, they may need me and I wont be there. I know that sounds silly, but its how I feel. I guess it goes the other way too… maybe one day I will need them again??

So, now that I have opened up, and said out loud what some of those areas are, I can get to the other questions.

What makes me happy: being able to work my dream job (and do it well), continue to guide my kids, my grandbaby, and having a healthy home.

What makes me shine: knowing that I have friends that I can count on, being able to help those I care about, making friendships that last, and having wonderful members of my family who want to be around me, not what I can give them.

What am I good at: making people smile, being a good listener, being a good parent, being a good friend.

Am I enough: yep

Am I too much: yep

Who am I: I am me. Unapologetically, complete, unabridged, and openly ME.

So although I am putting this in blog form, it is more of a group of statements to myself (that hopefully I will listen to moving forward), IT IS NOT ALWAYS MY FAULT! I DONT ALWAYS HAVE TO BE IN CONTROL! THINGS WILL NOT ALWAYS WORK OUT HOW I WANT!

I promised in the beginning I would be honest (I think I said I would show the good, the bad, and the ugly of this journey to be specific) and show all sides of what I go through as I try to be the best version of me both inward and outwardly and here it is.  I am a mess and I know it… but I am trying. I am always working on me.

So I guess the simple answer to my crazy big question is – I cannot change the world around me, I cannot fix what others decide is not broken.  What I can do to fix me is,  I can keep #movingforward, I can #keeptrying, and I can continue #becomingabetterme and now that I have faced these weaknesses, I think I can do it.

 

Change is Scary, but I Want to Live My Dream

As I mentioned in my end of year recap I had taken the classes and passed the state exams, but that was just on the 23rd of December. Things didnt really get interesting for me until the very last day of the year.

On December 31st at noon I discovered that I was officially welcomed into the fold, as my application for licensed real estate broker was accepted by the state. $700 to take the classes, $150 to take the test(s…. I took it 3 times), but the $60 I paid to apply and become licensed in the great state of Indiana was the key… I was there. Or so I thought.

So a little back story before I get into everything… yes, I know this is how I talk and this is how I write, so bear with me, please.

**I am a person who needs structure – or at least I have had it for my whole working career until now. Although I was not scared to tell upper management what was or was not working, I still “knew” that the only way in life was to work 9 to 5 and bring home a paycheck every other week. I cringe as I typed that because part of me still struggles with that. I have heard a million times “we have always done it, and we arent changing it now” and have even been accused of having that mindset (which in all actuality I am more of a figure out what works BEST and go with that… if it doesnt work, then try something else. Work smarter not harder) but that is not the case, I just thrive within boundaries and rules. At work at 9, check reports, send out letters, lunch at noon-ish, complete needed inspections, return voicemails,  leave at 6… with the more than occasional late hours through the week and then from home work on the weekends, it was just part of the job for me. I knew it and I knew it well. Having no schedule or a flexible schedule was unheard of for me! I stayed within the rules and was a firm believer in the policy and procedure manuals.   See photo evidence here:

 

Anywho, point is, I have lived in the worker bee cage and I was ok with it. Very ok with it even.

Back to the new thing…

Once the license is approved by the state, I wanted to become a member of the Board of Realtors – a REALTOR, by the way, is a real estate broker with a higher level of ethics and values. I realize that most agents are part of MIBOR (the board), but not a requirement exactly… however if you are serious about this as a career it becomes your primary connection to all things real estate. Tech support, seminars, etc. These things are not mandatory, with the exception of MIBOR Orientation. This was my all day class/training where I read the Realtor Oath and sworn in, pinned, and bonafide. I am not just a real estate broker, but a true, honest to goodness, REALTOR.  Yay!

Now, here I am less than two months past getting my license and becoming a Realtor and trying every day to learn more, to attend all of the trainings I can get, and still work on #becomingabetterme.

At 43 years old I have started over. This is new and I am equally scared to death and excited for this new adventure. I wake up each day now trying to figure out my next step. What do I need to do to make my career better? How do I find and help those who are looking to find their starter or in between or forever home? What is my next step? How do I get there? What is my next step? What is the best way to get myself out there????

WHAT IS MY NEXT STEP????

That is the truth, I don’t know the answers…  but everyday I am embracing this change, wanting to succeed, and knowing that when I take off, I will continue to give all that I have to make myself the best REALTOR I can be. As always this is just one step forward in this #becomingabetterme plan.

 

 

End of the Year Recap (actually done early this year)

I am not going to pretend that 2019 was a dumpster fire, but it was maybe a small trashcan fire?

The End.

Kidding.

I am not scared of hard work or long hours but I do want my time to be MY TIME and as I look back over the year, I cannot really remember when I could say that I had that… but rather than focusing on the negative, I am going to point out the positives of the year that have helped me rise from the ashes and become the phoenix I know I will be in 2020.

To start: Book Club. Yup. I started a book club. Consisting of 8 gals with different histories, different points of view, and of various generations we all spoke our minds and rejoiced in the ability to share with no judgement. In the #becomingabetterme campaign I was not sure that fiction could help, but it really did. Opened my eyes to books I never on my own would have picked, and forced me to step outside of my comfort zone with said books.

Next: Found out I was going to be a MiMi. Lets not pretend (again) that at first this was not terrifying news. My daughter becoming a mother at 20 and me a grandmother at 43… *shivers* (will come back to this)

Then: Checking one of the biggest bucket list items off my list. NYC! Could not have had more fun (or walked more!) I did have to uninstall my work email on my phone because I was NOT going to let work continue to hold me down while I was taking a much needed break.  Side note: the whole point of PTO is mentally take a break, to regroup, and spend time with friends and loved one – NOT continue to answer emails when you are 900 miles away! Anywho, trip was sooo needed and soo fun. Even having our flight canceled and having to stay an extra night with no clean clothes (or suitcase) was an interesting part of the adventure!

Continuing into the year: Things at work got rather rocky, and that was when I knew it was time to move on. When a company you work with lets one of its most loyal and conviction driven employees go, you know that it not the place for you, so I put in my notice and did the most scary thing I have ever done…. I signed up for real estate brokers classes to pursue my dream. A three week – 90 hour course, that you had to pass to be eligible to take the state exam. ***here is where we jump back to the whole MiMi thing… I had to pass 3 tests in the class to get my certificate of eligibility. The three tests were 100 questions each and collectively I had to get a 75% to pass. The first test I got an 87 out of 100, the second I got an 83 out of 100 – which meant I had to get 55 questions right to pass the class. Sounds easy right? With the scores of the last two, I was pretty confident I would be fine. EXCEPT the night before the final test my daughter goes into labor. I got to the hospital about 9:45 and it was clear it was going to be a wee hours of the morning birth. I emailed my instructor to tell him the status  – which I did not receive an reply since it was the middle of the night.

INSERT ADDITIONAL ISSUE ON THE SAME NIGHT…(I know I was not going to bring up the bad, but I felt this was important information since it had to do with the obstacles in front of me during all of this) plumbing back up in the house had us calling professionals in to extract the water and clear our lines all while Kat is in labor. Fun night.

So, I officially became a grandmother at 5:27am on November 25th to the most beautiful little girl in the whole world.

Back to class – I didn’t get home from the hospital until 8am so there was no way I was going to be taking any test. As we expected the plumbers/restoration team to come back at 10AM, I needed a power nap, so that is what happened. I did finally receive an email from my instructor with the information I needed to take the final test the next day. Done and Done! I took it and again, flying colors! 88 questions out of the 100. I was them eligible to take the state exam!

Fast forward to December 23rd: I am sitting here at the dining room table, coffee cup almost empty, and two pieces of paper that say I passed the national section AND the state section of the state exam for my Indiana Real Estate Brokers license.

Now, as I sit here not unemployed, but rather, in business for myself I am scared a little. I am not scared of hard work, and I am not above putting in the hours required to make a solid living, but part of this career change is more about taking my own life back. I do not want to work for someone who is not going to appreciate the time I put in, or the knowledge I  have to offer, or even more than that ME AS A PERSON…  and since I do value myself, this path is just one more way to #becomingabetterme.

I am well aware that there should really be more wins in the course of 365 days, but 2019 kind of fell short, so here is my promise for the upcoming year.

1. More gym – healthier me
2.  5ks – its go time again, Cupcake
3.  travel… travel… travel (even if they are just simple trips a few days at a time!)
4.  pottery class – I meant it, I want to make my own huge coffee mug
5.  spend time with my kids and grandbaby and friends
6.  #becomingabetterme continues

Simple really, I had a fire of a year, and now its time to fly! Cheers to the upcoming year. It will be the best year ever!

 

 

#HeJeNY Bucket List – check!

This blog has been more to me than just somewhere to put my thoughts. It has been a way for me to show myself that being on this journey of #becomingabetterme has been about growing, changing, and showing myself what I was capable of.

The Heather that writes about fears and talks about the great things that she has accomplished is not the Heather you would have met 15 years ago. This Heather is bolder, more fun, and ready to take on the world…. all because she wanted to be better.

All of that being said, I had the opportunity of a lifetime to go to New York City with a best friend of mine, and I am not going to lie, had I not started the better me-ing, I would not have been able to bring myself to make the trip, let alone be able to keep up!

Jenn had been there before, so I was lucky to have my own personal tour guide, but no matter what she told me, I was not ready for what I was going to learn.

Here is the list:

1. You walk everywhere… I mean everywhere.
2. You walk everywhere…. I mean everywhere.
3. YOU WALK EVERYWHERE… I MEAN EVERYWHERE.
   

   

In the 5 days we were there we walked more than I thought possible. I am not going to lie, there were times where I had to wave the white flag and say “give an ol lady a minute” but I did it, and the walking and adventuring continued.

We went to 2 shows while we were there (one on Broadway – Moulin Rogue, and the other off Broadway – Jersey Boys.  **side note, color me really stupid, but it was not until I was there that I realized what that meant. Actually just told a friend about my light bulb moment and I was scared he was choke on his own spit laughing at me.)

Went to the top of the Empire State Building, went out on a tour boat to see the Statue of Liberty, visited the 9-11 Memorial (breathtaking I might add), hung out in Washington Park, tried to get a drink at Mc Sorrely’s Old Ale House (they were packed, so we saw the sawdust and moved on),  Central Park (several parts of that), The Met, Time Square, Prospect Park, The Brooklyn Bridge, Ellen Stardust, Tavern on the Green, Macy’s, rode in a real NYC cab (let me say, we told him where we wanted to go and he asked US how to get there – are you kidding me??? Isn’t that your job??) rode the subway, ate at some amazing vegan places, had NYC bagels with ridiculous cream cheese, stopped at a couple of places for adult beverages before calling it a night, and then hung out at the bar at the hotel and goofed off.

I know that you might think those are all “touristy things” and you might be right… but ya know what? I got to do exactly what I wanted with a great person by my side.

Here is where my truth comes in… like I said at the beginning of this post, the Heather you know now is not the same one you would have met 15 years ago, and this would have been nothing but a dream to her. It WAS a dream to her. Now, because I have decided to give life a try, and put my best self out there, I am able to try new things and go on new adventures. I know that I had my security blanket with Jenn there, but even if it had been both of our first times, I still would not have been scared to go. This Heather is about checking things off the bucket list, #becomingabetterme,  and enjoying life instead of hiding behind it!

I am fortunate enough to have friends who know this about me and constantly push me further and further outside my comfort zone. Who support my dreams, and enjoy watching them come true. Friends who, with each passing year, remind me of how far I have come, but still know I am not done trying.

Yes, I guess you could say this was just a girls trip – I would agree, but it is on trips like these where memories are made, friendships are strengthened and you truly learn to see yourself through other peoples eyes, and that is what life is about.  Thank you Jenn… now where are we going next? I am not done #becomingabetterme and I want you to continue on the journey with me, my friend!

 

Never Really Been a Fan of Change, But Here I Go Again

For those of you who truly know me, you know that I have a soft spot in my heart (or the gene in my DNA) for property management. From my first day as a leasing agent 12 years ago, I fell in love with it. Now to be fair, I did come home crying the first two weeks worried that I wouldn’t make it or that I would suck at it, but I genuinely loved the job. Then as I progressed through the ranks, I found myself loving it more. Tears and concerns with every step, but still, the love was definitely there. With the ranks, naturally, came more responsibilities. I recognize that and understand it completely… however, over the last 5 years going even higher on the ladder has led to more hours as well. I can pretty easily say that I have said, at least once a month, “it will slow down soon and I will be able to breath.” By year 4, I really stopped believing it no matter how loud I said it.

I have spent far too much time working for someone else. I have lined the pockets of my employers (willingly!), but felt no matter how hard I was working, I really was still not where I wanted to be. I have said all along that #becomingabetterme had to do with my entire being. Not just my weight, or my health, but everything that makes up the person I am, so its time to take the next step.

First let me tell you a funny story…

For as long as my husband and I have been together, when we would be going anywhere, if I would see a house that I found interesting I would say “oohh, I wanna see inside that one!” and he would just nod, or laugh, or tell me to go knock on the door  *followed by a dumb laugh that said he was proud of that bad joke*. Then one day after I said that same thing about 15 times he gave me the same laugh and said, “you missed your calling.” I didn’t quite know what he meant and then he went on, “you love to look at houses, you love to talk to people, and you love to do paperwork. Why aren’t you a realtor?” Little did he know, that that was really my dream job. We laughed, when I told him that it was something I always wanted to do, but the classes were to expensive and the idea of not having a steady income during the learning process kept my feet on the ground.

UNTIL NOW…

Last week I was complaining about the hours I had worked, and that on my last two vacation days I got emails and calls and texts when I was supposed to be unwinding… so my husband finally said, “it’s go time, Cupcake.” (well that is my version of what he said, his statement was longer and a little more eloquent, but the point was the same.) So I called up a friend who is a realtor, asked him a ton of questions over coffee. Messaged my cousin who has been a realtor for 20+ years, talked to her awhile and then promptly signed up for classes next month.

Although there is a feeling of relief that I wont have to work 60 hours a week for someone else, there is also the fear of change, of failure, of a new beginning… but I am going to do it.

This journey has never been easy, and I promised to always tell the good, bad, and ugly… but this time it’s the scary I am facing. #Becomingabetterme has been a long process and will never end, but this time, I am ready for the change. Scared to death, but ready to face this new challenge and take the next level of investment in me. As I always say I am #movingforward #slowlybutsurely.

 

The Not Even a Little Scary Update

I promised I would keep you up to date since my discharge from the hospital two weeks ago, but there really isn’t a lot to say – which is great news!

When I got home I immediate started my health and food journal where I log what I eat, when I take my iron pills/vitamins, how I sleep, and how I feel – it has been eye opening. In a good way.

Food:

I have been drinking protein shakes daily. I am still trying to find the ones I like (and I have found some that suck) and that are higher in iron. This has been great since they are super filling, and I am not getting to eat lunch until later in the afternoon. I have also added protein packed afternoon snacks. I have been a label reader for a few years, but never really went so far as to look at the iron content. As a side note, I did not realize how little iron is in most foods. I assume that is why I am on such a high dose of iron daily. After talking to friends who are nurses – I have added daily vitamin C to help with the morning pill and then applesauce (or baby food fruits) with my afternoon/evening pills. Before all of this, I was also taking vitamin B, D, and then Echinacea to keep from getting sick, which is still part of the daily routine.

 

Health:

It is almost shocking how good I feel! I think I have more energy than I have – EVER. Not just since before I got “sick” but like, EVER. Although I cannot go back to the gym until I have a follow up doctors appointment, I have been able to go for a walk in the neighborhood and even do some shopping without losing any energy which I had not done in a LONG time. I guess I have also been be-boppin’ through the house, because periodically Hammy will laugh and when I ask him what he is laughing about, he tells me that it was the little dance I was doing… didn’t even know I was dancing! Other than that,  I think the biggest thing I have noticed in this area is the color in my lips. I know that sounds silly, but in the hospital they were a deathly shade of gray – but not now! 🙂

 

Sleep:

I cannot believe how amazing you can feel when you get good sleep! Literally for 12 days in a row, I went to sleep and didn’t wake up until my alarm went off!! So crazy!! I am sure part of that is the less stressful job, and the fact that I am doing better in the above two categories that makes this possible – but it is still part of the progress.

I realize I still have a long way to go, but two weeks in and I doing everything my doctors and nurses have told me to do. I will continue to get weekly phone calls from my nurses and social workers to check in and make sure I am not going backwards. **Community South has an amazing support system – just a side note** I will still have to go in and do check ups on my hemo levels, but I can say I feel nowhere close to where I was, and I know I will never go back there!

There have been a lot twists and turns on this journey, but none as scary as this, so as I continue #becomingabetterme sometimes I have to remember that adjusting how you live is must, and I would have to say, I am doing a pretty good job of adjusting this time!

 

The Good, the Bad, the Ugly and Now the Scary

I start a lot of my posts with this, but it is true. I promised when I started this blog I would share the good, the bad, and the ugly along the way… well, I didn’t expect that I would have to add scary to this journey, but I have, and here it is for you.

Let me jump back to about 2 months ago. Mid Aug I started heavy loading my calendar to make sure that I was caught up, even ahead at work since my anniversary cruise was the second week of Sept. At that point my husband started telling me that I looked tired. Well… YEAH! I was! 2-3 evening meetings a week, doing a little extra work on the weekend. Of course I was tired!

Then the cruise, dated Sept 9 – 16… for those of you who follow the weather, about 3-4 days before we were to port out there was a tropical storm/hurricane on the east coast coming in. We figured we would be fine since we were going to western Caribbean. Well, the first full day at sea was ROUGH! Not just a little, but stupid crazy ridiculous rough. So the second day when we went to port, it hit me hard. Sea sickness, the extreme heat, fatigue… I almost passed out on a wall in Costa Maya. So we went back to the ship, I took some med, and then slept. Then the next day on our excursion, I took a nap on the beach.  Don’t get me wrong, I like naps – but I NEEDED the sleep, didn’t just take them for the sake of vacation.

Fast forward to coming home. I had been back less than a week when I really started to feel crummy, so on Tuesday Sept 25, I decided it was time to go to the minute clinic. Head congestion, fatigue, dizziness, all around feeling crappy. She decided I had an ear infection (no shocker there – at least once a year since I was 5), and all of the symptoms of the ugly flu virus that was going around. She told me that I wasn’t to go back to work until I was fever free for 24 hours. OK, fine. For the rest of that week I ran a steady fever and slept pretty much 3-5 hours a day and then at night as well.

The following week, I went back to work. Walking to office winded me, but I chalked it up to the virus. Head felt swimmy, but I chalked that up to the virus as well.

Oct 10… things went BAT SHIT CRAZY.

I went back to the clinic because I was not getting better, but rather, seemingly worse. The more I tried to explain to the nurse what was wrong, the more she told me that I needed to go to the ER. She even refunded my copay for the office visit.

I called my husband and he agreed to leave work to take me. We figured, walking pneumonia or another more powerful virus. WRONG.

We got the ER and they started running tests, drawing arm loads of blood, they had me pee in a cup, attaching me to every machine there and as I am sitting there being asked a million and one questions the PA comes in and says “umm, we need to take more blood. We are concerned that we had a bad test reading and want to confirm.” I asked him what he meant and he said, “We checked your hemoglobin level and it came back at 4 and that concerns us.” I asked what that actually meant and he said, “your test came back as 4.2. Normal is 12. You should not have walked in here.” Then he started asking me about throwing up blood, blood in my stool (sorry for that visual), trauma, a car accident – ANYTHING. All of my answers were NO. Then he said it, “we have to give you a transfusion.  You are in desperate need of blood. We also plan to admit you, we are just waiting on a room for you.” I guess I should not have been shocked since my lips were a nice deathly shade of gray and my fingertips were an interesting bright white.

Admitted, 2 units(pints) of blood, 2IVs, a heart monitor, and several phone calls later I was sitting in my room waiting to see what the second unit brought my level to. It went up to 6.5.

The doctors decided I needed and upper and lower GI scan to see if there was bleeding, so Thursday I had the start the “cleansing process” (worst.thing.ever.) More blood work, an ultrasound (just to make sure the bleed wasn’t in my girlie region), and another unit(pint) of blood and I am finally over 7 (7.9 to be exact)  **side note, anything under 7 and they automatically give transfusions

Anyway, procedure done Friday morning with the only result of a hiatal hernia. The doctors had to go on deduction that I have been anemic all of my life and that a combo of a lot of things – late work nights, lack of gym time, less than stellar diet during the extra long days, being a girl and having a *cough period cough*, and even possibly having a virus that week after we got back. A lot of unknowns and a lot of speculation… but the bottom line is this:

Several of my nurses said the same thing – they had never seen such low hemo levels, and if it wasn’t for me being so healthy otherwise (being mostly diligent about my diet, going to the gym, being a nonsmoker, nondrinker, nondrug user all of my life) this could have been tragically different. Sure I have to take 650mg of iron a day for the rest of my life, and have to go in to my primary care doc to be checked periodically to make sure I am keeping my iron up, but that is a small price to pay in the grand scheme of things.

I know this was a long winded story, but it needed to be shared because for as hard as I try to continue  #becomingabetterme  I was leaving out a few key elements… you have to listen to your body and instead of writing off things like fatigue and a swimmy head, I should have known that was not my norm and addressed it immediately.

As a side note: I would like to thank those who came to see me, those who sent me well wishes, and those who cared enough to remind me that I matter and I need to take care of me. That did not go unnoticed. I promise. Because of you, my journey will continue.

Not Quite Four Percent

Well, I promised to give you the good, the bad, and the ugly of this journey – so there is some ugly, some bad, and some good in this particular tale. So, again, I follow through with my promise. You are welcome.

In the last post, I was down five lbs, right? Well, wouldn’t you know that three days before weigh in I got on the scales and of course, I gained 1.2lbs back. I know that in the grand scheme of things, that is small potatoes (like legit, it could have been, I made potatoes to go with the chicken for dinner), but when there is $20 on the line, it becomes a freakin Idaho sized potato!

Not that I wasn’t going to the gym as much as possible, but when your work schedule consists of night meetings and there is NO WAY IN HELL you are going to the gym before work (more specifically before coffee!), you have to make the tough decisions – and the decision was made to skip the gym when I wasn’t home before 9:30.

Anywho, back to the gym, staying strong on the diet, more water throughout the day – you know, all of the things you do to get the metabolism moving faster.

So weigh in day… wear thin clothes, take off shoes and jewelry, go pee before hand (we all know we do this!) and of course I was back to a flat 5lbs lost. dang it! So close, yet sooo far!

I know it wasn’t the goal I set, I know there were other people who made it, but you know what else I know – I know I tried. I know I got back on the wagon. Most of all, I remembered how much I missed being at the gym and how good it feels to know there is a change happening. I don’t have to lose 7.6lbs in a month to be successful – I just have to know I am doing the right things and treating myself right in the process.

So… 

Good – I lost 5 lbs and spent time in the gym again

Bad – I didn’t meet the goal set out for me.

Ugly – I lost freakin $20 in the processes… guess that is the price of a lesson learned?

Either way, this journey of #becomingabetterme is no where near over, and I consider this a #nonscalevictory – learning took place, and isn’t that what life is all about?

 

28 – 1 Week

Its one week until weigh in. Am I nervous… absolutely.  I have already stated that I do not really feel comfortable in competitions, especially when it comes to weight loss. I have had several issues when it comes to losing weight quickly. I have to really just put my head down and plow through it. Not worrying about time frames, or deadlines, or even the $20 I put in to see if I could do it… Anywho, I have tried to make these last three weeks count. I do not know if I will make it, but what I can tell you about this last 21 days is this:

I have not had any desserts (really freakin hard)

I have limited my bread intake

I have gone to the gym 2-3 times a week

I have taken the stairs 4 of the 5 days each week (exceptions are when I am with others or carrying more than one bag… too stinkin heavy)

I have had ZERO ice cream

I have been trying to do better about getting my full 7-8 hours of sleep

I have been drinking a lot of water, but I have actually tried to drink more around bedtime (which is supposed to help with digestions)

Although a short list, it is still a list of things I have done to give a try to this 4% weight loss. Even if it isn’t enough I have still lost 5lbs in this last few weeks… With only 2.6 lbs to go, I am going to give it a serious college try to get that $20 back!

On a side note… I have been on this journey for about three and a half four years now and to see how things have been going, I did a side by side of start to present…

#becomingabetterme #stillonthisjourney #Iamnotdoneyet